Dear Stupid
by Lady Blade WarAngel
Summary: Kaiba and Joey both get diaries. They both start writing in them to figure out what they really think subconsciously. But what DO Kaiba and Joey think subconsciously?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone. **

**Seeing as I am not allowed to let my muses have free reign on introduction. I'm afraid I am reduced to writing like this. (SIGHS) Damn, I wish that these damn rules weren't so hard to follow. **

**Anyways, this fic is dedicated to Dahee Fanel. Whose fic "Charity Project' inspired me to write this. If you can read it, then you should, it's absolutely hilarious. It in the Escaflowne section, but don't worry about understanding it, as it doesn't follow the original Escaflowne storyline at all. It just has the characters. Anyways, I will start writing now. **

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DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, half the idea's that I write down would be bought to life in the most horrific way possible. 

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**SUMMERY: Kaiba and Joey both get diaries. They both start writing in them to figure out what they really think subconsciously. But what DO Kaiba and Joey think subconsciously? **

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**Dear Stupid.**

**Chapter 1.**

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**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.)**

**Dear……. What the hell am I supposed to call you? I think IT is fine for now. **

**Dear It.**

**Why does my brother think I'm a fag? Only girls write in diaries. I can't believe that my ten year old brother dared to buy me a diary. Then again, he knows that I won't kill him. I bet someone dared him to do this. Am I talking to myself or It? For fuck's sake, I don't even know if I'm talking to myself. What in the name of whatever the hell exists is wrong with me? **

**If Mokuba wasn't my brother, I would have murdered him, chopped him up into tiny pieces, turned him into chop suey, bought him back to life, chopped him up into little bits again, and fed him to the sharks in the harbour. **

**I KNOW that there aren't sharks in the harbour. But I am rich. I CAN PUT SHARKS IN THE HARBOUR! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What in the hell? I'm EVIL LAUGHING? At a fucking notebook? WHY am I writing in this thing again? Oh I remember. Mokuba insisted that I use the damn thing to express my emotions. He, as a ten year old, believes that my emotions are repressed. I HAVE A PERFECTLY HEALTHY EMOTIONAL ATTITUDE!**

**Wait does the bold lettering count for anything?**

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**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**Dear thingie.**

**I am not writing dear diary. Serenity can make me write in the thingie, but I am NOT calling it a diary. It's just a book, that I write stuff in. That's it. I MEAN IT! I'M NOT A GIRL FOR DOUGHNUT'S SAKE! **

**Tristan has been winding me up all day, that diaries are for sissy girls, or pansies. Before you say anything. I'M NOT A FUCKING PANSY NEETHER! Jesus Christ I'm talking to the damn thingie like it's a real person. **

**I wonder if Serenity thinks that I'm Gay. **

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**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.)**

**It's nine o clock. What am I doing writing in it again? Why in the hell did Mokuba give me this thing? It's stupid. That's what it is called now. Stupid. Dear Stupid. That sounds about right.**

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**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**My whole existence is so pointless. Why the hell do I bother? I bet Kaiba doesn't have a girly stupid book. Wait, why did I mention that fucking asshole? Maybe coz he probably DOESN'T have one of these stupid books. I have a funny feeling that Yugi has one. Wait, I'm saying that my best friend is gay, and that my worst enemy is more entitled NOT to be a fag then I am? I think I am totally loosing my mind. Not to mention the candy bars I put in the fridge. I bet Tristan stole them. Stupid notebook. Why do I keep coming back to the fact that this thing is a stupid notebook? That's it. Its name is stupid. It is now called stupid. I've made my decision and that's the final word. **

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**NEXT TIME ON DEAR STUPID!**

**(JOEY'S P.O.V.) **

**I can't believe that I saw Kaiba with a DIARY! That's priceless. Even more priceless then the fact that I saw Yugi steal a pair of Tea's tights. Wait I didn't say that………….**

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please RR and remember, priceless black humour has always been British. C ya L8r people.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone. **

**Glad to see that you liked the first chapter of Dear Stupid. So here is the next chapter. Hope you like it. But I must thank all my reviewers first. **

**O…………K………… **

**THANKS EVERYONE!**

**That's done. Now on with the chapter.**

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**Dear Stupid. **

**Chapter 2.**

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**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.)**

**Dear Stupid.**

**GOD DAMN JOSEPH WHEELER! HE'S A FAG I SWEAR TO GOD HE IS! What the hell am I doing? I'm ranting at a book. But seeing as I am ranting I might as well write WHY I am ranting. It seems perfectly logical. I'm ranting because JOSEPH WHEELER IS A FUCKING JERK OFF WHO SHOULD ROT IN HELL! More specifically, he found out I had a diary. **

**Wait I didn't just call you a Diary, you are a stupid. Wait……. WHY THE HELL AM I REFFERING TO YOU LIKE A PERSON? What the hell it won't kill me. It's not like anyone is ever going to read you so it doesn't matter what I write. Wait a minute. Mokuba is NOT right. I DO express my emotions. This book represents NOTHING!**

**Anyway, Wheeler happened to see the stupid, when he bumped into me in the corridor. My bag spilled out onto the floor. So did his. Wait, he was taking the piss out of me for having a diary, and HE HAS ONE TOO! That mutt deserves to die in the most painful way possible. I'm going to think of ways to kill him whilst I eat. **

**(After Dinner)**

**Dear god, there are so many ways that I can kill Wheeler without anyone ever finding out it was me. Then again, if I kill him, I am sinking to his pathetic mutt-like level. I give up. Nothing I do is right. **

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**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA****HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
HAHAHAHAHA****HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA****HAHAHAHA  
****HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**I think I'll stop laughing in a few minutes, but I can't. Rich boy has a diary. KAIBA owns a diary. That's just so classic. I mean I just slammed into him in the corridor, and the thing fell out of his bag. Wait, I just realised that my stupid fell out of my bag too. HOLY SHIT KAIBA KNOWS I HAVE A DIARY! **

**I have only one word to say to that.**

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Oh yeah I just remembered that he has a diary so he can't take the piss out of me. Wait, that means that I can't take the piss out of him neither. Despite the fact that he's a jerk off who deserves to rot in hell. DAMN IT! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! I mean I get the chance to trounce Kaiba with insults, and I can't coz he can do the same thing back. **

**CURSE MY SISTER! HOW COULD SHE BUY THIS THING FOR ME! IT'S A DISGRACE TO MACHOCISM! **

**Wait I didn't even know I knew a word like Machocism. Wait, that ain't even a word. I mean it's Masochistic. What the hell? Maybe I'm paying more attention in English class lately. Wait we were discussing that pansy, Billy Shakespeare. Wait, it's WILLIAM Shakespeare. Whatever, it's not like I understand anything that the guy is talking about. I mean all this rubbish about "to be or not to be" is way too deep for me to get. Hang on, am I saying that Tristan is right, and that I am no denser then a bubble? NO HE'S NOT RIGHT!**

**What the hell, this wasn't the point of my entry. My point was that KAIBA owns a DIARY! I can't believe that I saw Kaiba with a DIARY! That's priceless. Even more priceless then the fact that I saw Yugi steal a pair of Tea's tights. Wait I didn't say that. Wait, who the hell is gonna know I did say that anyways. Wait, I ain't even saying this, I'm writing it. Whatever I'm confusing myself. **

**I think Yugi is a transvestite you know. I just feel sorry for the Pharaoh. He lives in Yugi's body. It probably disturbs him to see Yugi wearing tights. Wait, I don't even know if he DOES wear the tights. He might just have an obsessive stalking crush on Tea. **

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**NEXT DAY**

**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.) **

**I think I am going to officially start going to see a psychiatrist. I swear I saw Yugi putting tights in his locker. Then I thought I saw a pink skirt go in the locker too. Can anyone say, what the hell did I smoke last night? I think maybe I've been smoking pot without realising it…**

**Nah, that's just not possible, I don't smoke any time of the day. Maybe it's the cafeteria food? I'm officially suing the school cook. What the hell I have the money to do that. Wait, what if I wasn't hallucinating? I must have been hallucinating. Yugi wasn't a transvestite last time I talked to him. I think I need to get some more sleep. Yeah defiantly. Sleep is what I need. I'm just tired. That's where the hallucinating is coming from. I've made up my mind, I'm going to bed early tonight.**

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**NEXT TIME ON DEAR STUPID!**

**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.)**

**Oh my dear, sweet and merciful God. I wasn't hallucinating. I SAW YUGI WEARING GIRLS CLOTHES! God have mercy on my immortal soul coz I think I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life now……**

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**O.K. everyone, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I hope it made you laugh. I shall update as soon as I can. Maybe in a week. I have to get rid of my coursework, so I shall be trying to update soon. In the meantime, please R&R and tell me how terrible you think my writing really is. C ya L8r people. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Well hello again people. I hate to inform you that Dear Stupid will never be updated again, due to the rights of male transvestites.**

**Just kidding. Hehe. I shall continue writing because I WANT TO! Hehe, sorry, I'm loosing my mind slowly. Anyways, I shall once again thank my reviewers. **

**Thank you all loads for reviewing, and please be happy that I am updating. Now for any questions that I am supposed to answer.**

**Kia the Wolf: I'm glad my ficcie cheered you up. That's what I'm here to do.**

**Misura: I have to inform you that Joey is most likely to stay paranoid. **

**Game Kid 17: The whole point of the fic is that they write in the diaries. I know that they don't actually have to write in them. As for the carrying them around thing. Trust me, once you own and start writing in a diary, you start carrying the thing around. LOL! Although you are right. Yugi being a cross dresser makes perfect sense. **

**Star and her Yami Brooke: Please feel free to use your ideas. As long as you ain't totally copying me, I don't mind. **

**Anyways, on with the chappie. **

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**Dear Stupid.**

**Chapter 3.**

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**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**Dear Stupid.**

**I'm still missing my candy bars. I put fifty five in there on Monday. There are only twenty five now. I only ate five. WHERE DID THE OTHER TWENTY FIVE GO? I will catch the candy thief. I swear to all the holy pepperonis.**

**It was really strange. I swear Kaiba was giving Yugi funny looks. Maybe he saw the padded wonderbra that Yugi shoved into his locker yesterday afternoon. Maybe I should talk to Yugi about that. I mean serious stalker issues are taking place. Unless Yugi is a cross dressing transvestite. Ooops, I'm late for History. Wait, it was an hour ago. WHY AM I STILL WRITING IN THE STUPID IF I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL! **

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**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.)**

**Dear Stupid.**

**I'm sure that I was hallucinating yesterday. I mean I must have been hallucinating, because there is no way that Yugi could be a cross dresser. History is boring. I know all of this rubbish anyway. I mean who wants to know how Napoleon got into power? I certainly don't give two shits about French or European history. **

**This is a complete waste of my intelligence. I could be getting work done. Stupid idiot schoolteachers. Why is he looking at me? I can't even catch an extra hour of sleep. It's bad enough that the old bastard moans at me, but the worst part of it, is that he KNOWS that I'm going to pass anyways. What's the point of nagging me? You'd think that an A+ would shut him up. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO he STILL has to act like I'm Joseph Wheeler, who can't do history if it was made up of when pizza was invented. Wait, was Tea eating a candy bar? **

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**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**God help me. I walked into History class an hour and a half late. That's another detention on my record. Damn History teaching bastard. I hate my life. I hate my history teacher. I hate fucking history. I mean why can't we have one lessons where the teacher does something I know about? Like when Pizza was invented for example. I mean I know when all great food was invented. Candy for example. Wait, is Tea eating one of MY candy bars? And I thought that Tristan was stealing them. I'm gonna kill her. THOSE ARE MY FAVOURITE SNACKS!**

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**(KAIBA'S P.O.V.) **

**God have mercy on me. I think I'm officially insane. I swear I'm blind after what's just seen. Maybe I should explain WHY I'm now officially blind, scarred for life, and thinking of gauging my eyes out to make sure I never see anything like that again? **

**I went to the bathroom, before I went home (I don't need to say what I went into the bathroom for that's my own god damn business) and I was coming out of one of the stalls, and I saw Yugi. At least, I think it was Yugi, and he was wearing girls clothes. **

**Wait a second. I just realised something.**

**Oh my dear, sweet and merciful God. I wasn't hallucinating. I SAW YUGI WEARING GIRLS CLOTHES! God have mercy on my immortal soul coz I think I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life now. I think I need to go and see a psychiatrist. Maybe I'll book an appointment or something. Oh hell, forget the psychiatrist, I need to find out if I'm hallucinating or not. **

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**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**I think I'm loosin it. I swear I saw Yugi wearing girls clothes. I was just about to walk into the guys room, to take care of business when I saw Yugi wearing girls clothes. I freaked out so badly, that I ran all the way home. Where I found out that two more of my candy bars are missing. Wait. TEA STOLE MY CANDY! **

**Wait, why do I always run away from the main point. Maybe I smoked the wrong kind of pot. Wait, do I even smoke pot? I know that the spirit of the ring does, coz Bakura got busted for it. He didn't remember even smoking the stuff. His dad went spare. **

**I have really got to stop procastinathin. What the hell? My spelling is getting worse. What was I saying? Oh yeah, get right to the point. I saw Yugi wearing tea's clothes. Maybe those two have got something going on. That must be some kinky shit going on if Tea knows about it. Then again, SHE IS THE CANDY THEIF AND MUST BE PUNISHED!**

**Need I say anymore?**

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**NEXT TIME ON DEAR STUPID!**

**(JOEY'S P.O.V.)**

**I think my brain is going to into fuzzy mode. I swear, Kaiba looks like he hasn't slept for a week. He looks kinda disturbed. Maybe he saw Yugi wearing the girls clothes too? Maybe I should go and ask hi. Wait, am I going totally nuts? I mean if I go and ask Kaiba, if he saw YUGI wearing GIRLS clothes, then he'll probably pound my face in……**

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**Well please tell me what you think people. I know that I'm mad but it's getting worse and worse all the time. Please R&R and I'll update soon. Byes. **


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